Just for fun: When Insults Had Class

Someone sent me these, and they seem perfect for a Saturday afternoon diversion.  I particularly like the jab at Churchill.  

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” 

 A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” 
”That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.” 

 “He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr 

 “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill 

 “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow 

 “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William 
Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). 

 “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas 

 “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain 

 “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde 

 “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have  one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

 “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” 
            – Winston Churchill, in response. 

 “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop 

 “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright 

 “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb 

 “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson 

 “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating 

 “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily..” – Charles, Count Talleyrand

 “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker 

 “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain 

 “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West

 “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde 

 “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination..” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912) 

 “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder 

 “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx


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